D.C.M.F.BFer!

http://runforyourlives.com/locations/indianapolis-in/

That is the Run for Your Lives 5K. It’s your average everyday 5K, but you get chased by zombies.



Those of you that have known me for more than 4 minutes know that I’ve never run a 5k in my life. I’ve only run 1 straight mile twice, one in high school and one in 2005 when we first joined the Y. But I now, after years of ignoring my wife’s pleas, I finally have a goal and the motivation to reach that goal. I will do this. I will I will I will. Mostly just because I want to get made up like the undead, but also because Jo said something about bonding with Emmy and Tracy and Liz, health and something about growing old together… I wasn’t really listening.



That means I have 103 days to get from vomiting up my intestines after running 1 block up to running 3.1 miles without dying. I’m taking steps to meet this goal. I went to the fancy-pants running store and talked to the fancy-pants running shoe guy and bought fancy-pants running shoes. The nice man at Ken Comb’s had me try on a jillion pairs of shoes, stared at my feet while I walked, talked about pronation and supination and all that crap, then sold me the shoes pictured above. I also bought the “get running” app (http://splendid-things.co.uk/getrunning/) to help me along the Couch to 5K program (http://www.c25k.com) and I plan on letting you fine people know how I’m doing every step of the way whether you want me to or not.





All that being said, here is today’s entry:



Week 1 Day 1 (this program is 10 weeks, 3 days a week)

30 minutes alternating 1 minute running then 1 ½ minutes walking

8 minutes total running (6 mph) this will go up

22 minutes total walking (3.5 mph) this will go down

1.95 miles distance… this will go up

376 calories… this will go down

max heart rate 185bpm (this is just a guess, my treadmill doesn’t tell me my max heart rate, this is just the highest number that I noticed ) I have no idea what this will do. Isn't it supposed to kinda stay up?

But is it ART?!?!?!

I call this "My Car As Seen From the Break Room."

Kin-diddley-indle

I am very happy that I got this device. I mowed through my annual reading of Lord of the Rings in record time (i don't think I've ever finished in February before) and I just started The Hunger Games. Hopefully it won't suck.

Why ain't you quacking?!?

One of the 6million reasons I love my job. Geese and ducks roam the lands in search of fun & bread.

Welcome to Costco... I love you.

Today I bought a bulk pack of 24 razors. As those of you that work with me know, I'm not the most diligent shaver. This should be good for about 6 months.

Testing.

I'm just testing this blogger app for the iPhone. Don't get your panties in a bunch.

I'd make a crappy vampire

This is my new bowling ball. I meant to post this picture a few weeks ago when I bought the ball, but I'm lazy and my "daily" picture has since become an "every few months" picture.

Anyhoo, the bowling ball has nothing to do with my day, it's just the last picture that I took and I figured I'd share it while telling you fine people about the adventure that occurred in McDonaldland today. Notice how I blacked out the tooth that dental insiders call "number 7." This will be woven into the story later.

This morning Jo and Liz (and about 10,000 other people) ran in the Anthem 5k. Jo and Liz each broke their own personal best records so we went to the Fleur de Lis Cafe on Bardstown Rd to have breakfast and celebrate. I ordered the "Farmhouse Breakfast" which was a bone-in ham steak with bacon and eggs. The ham had a layer of cracklin around the edge from the cooking process, which was crunchy yet very delicious. I was pondering how good this crunchy stuff was when I felt something solid in the mix of the mass I was swallowing. A quick flick with tounge led me to discover that MY ENTIRE GOD DAMNED FRONT TOOTH WAS BROKEN OFF AT THE GUM LINE. Obviously this was distressing, but did it stop be from finishing my breakfast? I'm a McDonald, hell no.

After breakfast I called my dentist's emergency number and after a short time he called back (we befriend everyone in our lives, including our dentist, so I used facebook to ask his sister for a little special treatment in contacting him) and we arranged to meet at his dental office later in the evening. It was really weird to be there after hours. All of the lights were out and it was just me and him. He kept having to switch back and forth between the drill and the suction and getting up to get something else he forgot when laying out his tools. This is what happens when you don't have assistants there. He was also in a t shirt and jeans while he worked on me. It was a bit surreal.

This tooth has been a problem child for a very long time. Those of you that knew me before I started working at Bellsouth and finally got it fixed with my new fancy pants dental insurance will remember that it used to be in an hourglass shape because it was so disgustingly rotted away. Last year I chipped it when I slipped down the stairs and later sneezed half of it off while at work. When I got to Dr. Hurm's office later that day, we discovered that it was basically rotten on the inside and needed a root canal that very second. After today, when he miraculously created a tooth for me by drilling a thick post into what was left and slowly building a tooth around it he said "I can tell by talking to you that you're just sick of this tooth" and told me about getting dental implants and we set out a plan to do just that. I'm going to see him on Monday after I get off of work and we're going to form a game plan based on what we can afford and however much my insurance will pay. I'll of course keep you updated. I really, really like our dentist.

You look like 1/2 a butt puppet.

You know what they used to call me back in my schoolin' days? They called me "Jimmy Touchdown!"

And by "Jimmy Touchdown" I of course mean "James only comes on the field when we're punting or kicking a field goal."

My supervisor at work bought me this old-timey helmet thing. I feel bad because I didn't get him anything, but I did offer to buy him lunch. I also pointed out to him that the Chargers didn't exist when these helmets were still being used & he said historical accuracy would have cost extra.

I look like a banker in this.........

That's right kids! One of the finest movies FILMS ever made is now available on Blu Ray! It's a fine story of love, betrayal, and the fact that men can be motivated to accomplish great things by the possibility of seeing a chick naked.

And, unlike the movie I saw today, noone cuts their own arm off.

Fun note, if you ever watch Major League with me or my little brother, you will be annoyed to no end because we both have the script memorized. We had very little to do as children.

In 10 More Years You'll Get TP!

Today Jo and I went to Feeder's Supply Store to have Dot's picture taken with Santa (yes, we're dorks... and I'll bet you can guess what tomorrows picture will be!) and we decided to take her for a walk while we were waiting for the picture to print out. While wandering around we ran across this red outhouse. Nothing out of the ordinary huh? Maybe you should take a closer look at that sign.



Some people get a gold watch for staying with a company for 40 years. Apparently this person's loyalty has earned them their own outhouse. If UPS offered perks like this I believe our turnover percentage would drop like a rock.

I will taste blood........

This is Tracy's cat, Beatrice. I like to think her eyes are glowing with anger because she has to wear a sweater.

That's a shitload of tape!

Guess what I spent 2 hours doing? That's right! Sleeping!

We got presents for some of you people, but you may be wondering what would be a good present to get me. Well I'll tell you...........

Money.

As I told you last year (and you didn't listen) I think the most personal, thoughtful gift a person can get me is a gift card to either Target or Kroger or any of the places that we shop on a regular basis. I have a goal of replacing my PS3, which fried earlier this year, and if everyone gave me a gift card (or cash in an envelope, like the mob) that would make that goal easier because I could use the money that we would have used for groceries, clothing, etc on buying back my magical black box.

Only one or two of you listened to me last year. I'm very disappointed in the rest of you.

Monsters live out there....

This is Doe Valley Lake, Jo's boss lives and grew up here. He spent his entire childhood basically living at summer camp. I spent a great deal of mine going to the beach and getting beaten up by mexicans.

Not really.

Today was fun, we went on a boat ride, I took a bunch of pictures that I will probably post later, I got to watch the tuna sandwiches go rancid, and I crashed pontoon into the beach. Good times.

Tomorrow is going to suck. My car is in the shop so I have to steal Jo's, which means I have to wake up super early so I can drop her off at the studio (20 miles) then drive to work (25 miles) then drive to the hotel that we're conducting orientation in and back (maybe 4 miles total) then back to the studio after work (25 miles) then back home (another 20 miles.) That's almost 90 miles out of my way that I have to drive tomorrow just because I need a new muffler. Boo!

Actually, there are multiple days each week that Jo has to drive that far for her job, so I can't really complain too much. Plus my car is a '98 with almost 200k miles on it and it's never really needed major work, so again I am fortunate.

Where the hell is Benito!?!?!

When we were kids, we used to pay $5 to go see the Padres.

Yesterday UPS basically paid me $120 & bought me a bunch of free food to go to a Louisville Bats game. Did I mention that I love my job? Because I do.

We went to orientation today for our puppy manners class. Judging by the description of what the trainer lady (no Whitney, it isn't Ursa) we're dealing with much less than what the typical puppy owner is dealing with. I knew that Dot was smart.

Speaking of orientation, my dear dear dear dear dear dear dear dear friend Dustin will be coming to UPS orientation on Monday. He'll get to see me in a professional capacity and be all like "Damn! James is far more awesome that I previously knew!"

I'm sleepy and going to bed now. Sorry my day wasn't more eventful.

EAT AN ORANGE!!

Whole wheat Matzo Balls? Oh no.... THE HIPPIES HAVE GOTTEN TO THE JEWS!!! Curse you dirt-twirling stink piles!! Is nothing sacred to you!?!?

I kid, I kid.

Our dear friends Allison and Josh graced us with their company today. They made the long trip from Cincinnati just to pet our dog, which confused me because surely there are other dogs in Cincy. Actually, they have a dog. That's part of the reson they came, to compare. Things did get a little touchy when I held Josh down by the head yelling 'SAY IT!! SAY OUR DOG IS BETTER!!!" but luckily no blood was shed. We went to Cafe Mimosa and I had some dish that involves tofu, black beans, and a ton of vegetables. I love this meal, but I keep forgetting that Mimosa's chopsticks suck. They're made of a very glossy plastic and you can't really pick anything up. I looked a fool.

Some of the things in that last paragraph didn't happen.

Just so you guys know, the last time I posted for 4 days in a row was December 14-17 of last year. You're welcome. I do feel a little bad that I keep taking pictures and saying (at least to myself) "This will be a good picure-of-the-day!" when in reality I haven't had a picture of the day in over a year. At least not regularly.

Sometimes Jo goes to work and leaves me alone with the dog.

I was trying to do "Blue Steel" but sometimes my camera doesn't take the picture when I think it's going to. I would have tried it again, but as you can see Dot is leaving my lap.

So this is what you get, me taking a picture a 13 year old girl on myspace would take.

The band is almost back together (looking at you Ms. Reeves.) My dear friend Dustin moved to Louisville. This is a good thing. He also grossly over dressed for his job interview. Normally people come to us in tank tops and flip flops & covered in "F the police" tattoos. He wore a shirt & tie with "Hug the police" tattoos.

No, YOU SUCK!!

The weather man on TV says "Severe storm's a'comin!!"

I hope he's right, because if he's wrong then those aliens from ID4 are about to kick the crap out of the Greater Louisville Metropolitan Area.

He was right! As I type this it started pouring.

I'm going to watch the next (and possibly next 2) game of the NBA finals. I don't care about basketball at all, but I feel an obligation to watch championship games. Maybe it's the desire to see grown men cry, but I can use a bat and get the same outcome.

I'm neglectful.

I bought a floppy orange hat today.

I look ridiculous, but I don't care. It keeps the evil, evil sun away from the top of my head and my precious earlobes. I looked for the cheapest hat at Dicks that would encase my whole head in shadow & had those little vents on them so my head wouldn't get too hot. The least expensive version that I found happened to be orange. My frugality and severe lack of fashion sense have led me down a path that may have many people making fun of me.

In other McDonaldLand news, the cat still hates the dog. She's actually coming all the way downstairs and walking around the kitchen while Dot is in there, but she still hisses and swats at her whenever she sees her. She also has stopped peeing all over the place, which is a big plus. I love that cat to death and really want her to start coming back into the living room to watch TV with us. At least we have her when we go to bed.

On the job front, I have new duties that are still a bit of a mystery to me. They took the Orientation class duties away from me (which SUCKS) but I get to be involved in a lot of interesting nation-wide type projects.

Speaking of the projects, HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY! I'm glad Jo didn't "Drop that bitch" like she said she was going to do a few years ago when I accidentally caressed your butt.

must kill the dog....

The cat hates the dog.

Dot seems to be coming along nicely as part of McDonaldland. We've trained her to ring a bell that hangs from the back door when she wants to go outside (now we just have to get her to understand that the bell is for going to the bathroom, not just anytime she wants to go out) and she knows the basics like "down" and "sit."

Our dear Captain Tennille still hasn't come around on her though. I think that she's getting better, I took this picture because this is the closest that they've gotten to each other without a ton of hissing and swatting from the cat. I'll keep you updated because I know that you all care.

Small black speck = Dot.

This is Dot.

Today we took Dot for a walk & it was easily the shortest amount of time she spent trying to choke herself by rushing ahead/lagging behind us. Good dog.

I feel bad because we bought a "static perimeter collar" for her to teach her that going upstairs is off limits. I know it doesn't really hurt her, but I have seen it in action and it does bug the shit out of her when she tries to go up.

In case you're wondering, upstairs is off limits because that is the "Cat Sanctuary" where Fatty and Hippo can stay at a comfortable distance from Dotty until they get more used to her and feel they can come down and re-join the downstairs world. Tennielle is actually venturing almost 1/2 way down the stairs now to check the dog out.